In the car with my partner, I was discussing a mutual friend. More specifically, I was sharing my perceptions and thoughts around this person, so you could say I wasn't actually talking about them (as a human) at all.
I want this person to be better. I think s/h/ze could be better. To say, I want them to be less complicit to the structural racism and sexism they are surrounded by. I want them to be a better advocate and ally and champion of (my) causes. But they have repeatedly shown me themselves authentically, differently, so I know that my expectations are faulty. I could fall into the trap of saying "oh, I don't trust that person" which is actually saying >>This person acts in ways that I don't expect or approve of. Instead, I can say, "I trust FRIEND to do x, y, z" because s/h/ze reliably *do* act in these ways. They are actually quite predictable and trustworthy, in that sense. My impressions of "trust" are truly just expressions of my own expectations and preferences--they have nothing to do with the other person's "character." In this case, their worldview is small, so s/h/ze prioritize themselves, when I would like them to prioritize community. With this person, I was musing my delight that [[although they make choices I would rather they not]] I am still able to [[enjoy their company and engage with them without suffering myself]]. That's huge! With so many others, especially in the academy, I shut them out. [[Trust]] does not equate to [[character]] [[My approval of their behavior]] =/= [[how I have to experience engaging with them]]
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AuthorWoman of color, surviving the academy, writing myself down Archives
March 2018
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